This Thoughts will take a look at porn in the household. There is a great deal of incest role play on social media, porn social media, and other platforms. Yes, I go to those sites, I don’t believe its the platform (pornography) that is bad. I think the people who go there can be deeply troubled.
You don’t blame the platform, which is a function of all people, you fix the problem. The problem is a deep rooted abuse model in our homes. Not a lack of family values, but the mixed values that many homes deliver to their children. This is not about having a family night, but that can be fun. It’s not around three structured meals around the table everyday, although communication could be enhanced.
This is about telling your children to be nice to people, then complaining about politics, and saying how stupid a person is for doing something you don’t like. This is about treating your spouse like they aren’t smart enough, no matter what they do. It’s being aggravated that you are being interrupted during a news program, or movie. It’s about the parent, the adult, acting in a way that is unreasonable. Something as simple as a child being distracted in a store aisle, and not seeing someone trying to pass them. The parent yells, and the child is confused. Or the adult not moving when someone is trying to get by.
How our children are revealed to their peers, is how they are revealed by adults. And as they get older, such things as being treated as a dirty slut in the movies, becomes a game with deep impact to the person who is the focus of that thinking.
This Thoughts is focused on how we treat our children, when showing them sexuality. The father with the dirty books in the bottom drawer has become the guy who needs more and more porn to get excited.
The mom who is a prostitute, or a stripper, is probably not as prevalent as the mom who over eats and get abused by a lover, husband, or friend. But how we intellectualize the mom who likes to strip in her home, while her children are asleep, is important. While the man who is seeking the attention of woman after woman online, is also going to have an impact on their children.
This is about how most of us present ourselves as people with sexuality to our children. A child that knows there is a sexual behavior, is going to naturally want to keep it at bay, because that is normal child development. The child who is confused by sexuality, will become an adult with a confused sexual need.
Our society does like to deny sexuality, or call it bad, keep it a secret, but this is something that is harmful on so many levels. Sexuality is a human function, for pleasure. Our anatomy has been shown, in many studies, to be made for the pleasurable side of reproduction. There is no need to deny this pleasure, just take out the abuse.
The demeaning of women, gay men, lesbian women, trans humans, teenage boys and girls, are all how we present ourselves to children. It is often brought into adulthood, with promiscuity, drug and alcohol abuse, deep seated dysfunction in a person’s daily life. Denying sexuality, is how these abuses start, where they live, in the denial, the turning away, in the traps around family relationships, in the secrets so many keep.
Those are the places where children learn how to hurt others sexually. It is taught, in families, regular families, and abusive families. When we start teaching respect for boundaries, how we allow for other people, how adult anger is not the only legitimate anger. When feelings are lifted and elevated to the point where children’s feelings count. That is when we make progress, and our expression of sexuality will change. It will just be the result of not needing to express ourselves with overwhelming power, or dehumanizing violence.
There will be less need for abusive, incest based porn – or maybe, more consensual role play that is non-violent. Because when we send a consistent message of respect, commitment and caring. When we work on building healthy relationships based on mutual understanding. When we accept people for their good points and their bad points. Then we have greater understanding, and a clear message goes to our children. There just won’t be a need for violent porn, because that is not the relationships being formed in development.
